Breastesses.

How weird is this?

I’m working at the hospital, in this tiny bio-hazard room in the OR complex, measuring, trying to shoe-horn in a new intercom system for the OR’s, trying to work around the giganormous digital stereo device that blares music into the OR’s, ’cause, honestly? The doc’s luuuuurrves them some music while they’re slicing and dicing.

And I’m thinkin’, shit ain’t gonna fit. And I’m scratching the pimple I call a brain, when a doctor and nurse come into the little bio-hazard room I’m pimple scratching in.

The nurse picks up a plastic container, not unlike what you keep leftovers in, labeled “right” and opens it and says- I kid you not- I don’t think we kept the nipple.

She looks into it and jiggles the contents.

So the nipple was left behind, the doc says, grinning as his nurse opens a similar container labeled “left”. She gazes into the tupperware, makes a face, looks up, and then they notice me.

Are those, like, human parts? I ask. Not knowing what else to say and, you know, curious?

Wanna see a woman’s breast? the doc says slyly, looking over his shoulder at me.

The nurse proffers the tupperware and says- it’ll probably mess up the way you look at your wife for a coupla weeks. And maybe your sex-life for awhile, she says.

Thinking that maybe my sex-life probably doesn’t need much more messing up and that maybe my relationship with Miss Carol’s boobs is just fine, thank you very much, I swallow hard and say-

Um, no thanks.

So they both giggle and leave.

The surgeons and surgical staff are the hospital’s rock stars, make no mistake, but, man, they certainly have a different way of looking at the world.

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4 responses to “Breastesses.

  1. Shudder! It reminds me of when a co-worker thought for some ungodly reason I would want to see her breastesses after she had a breast reduction. I was in no way prepared when she walked in to the lounge at work and told me to check it out as she lifted her shirt. I think I screamed a little as I grabbed my chest. I thought I was going to pass out. It was very traumatizing…still is to this day. You were wise not to look into the tupperware.

  2. Ew. I still would have looked. I think. Yeah, probably.

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