Monthly Archives: June 2013


So this is what happened.

The other night, okay, alright, last night, I was doing the dishes after dinner (mostly because I like doing the fucking dishes, and not because I’m an emasculated metro-sexual she-male) and as I was cleaning the counter top (mostly because I like to clean the fucking counter top and not because I’m an emasculated metro-sexual she-male)

I was windexing past Miss Carol’s Ipod sitting on it’s cute little Ipod stand and I saw that it was tuned into(?), logged onto(?) the Weather Channel.

And I didn’t pay it much mind. For about a second.

But then I saw a black bird sweep by on The Weather Channel’s masthead and caught my eye and I paused, still slowly wiping the counter top lest Miss Carol see me not doing my job ( mostly because I like my fucking job and not because I’m and emasculated metro-sexual she-male) 

The black bird swept by again from left to right across the masthead and I was sucked in.

I looked more closely at the screen and saw that The Weather Channel masthead was telling me what the current weather conditions were for our home.

Drizzle. 72 degrees. It said.

I looked outside and, sure enough, it was drizzly looking and then when I looked out at the thermometer on the deck, it was, by god, 72 degrees out there. 

It was eerily uncanny and unsettling. I felt my palms getting sweaty. I stopped wiping the stupid counter top and stood staring at the Ipod. 

The black bird swept by again and again and every time it did I glanced up and out our window to try and catch it sweeping by outside, but it was dark outside so I probably missed it. 

Suddenly, the masthead changed. 

Light rain. 72 degrees. It said.

Nervously, not wanting to, I glanced up from the Ipod and out the window. And shits little sister- the drizzle had changed to light rain. This stuff was getting downright creepy. 

A chill ran up my spine and I wanted to laugh. But I couldn’t. 

I mean, how did it know?

I watched and watched The Weather Channel for hours, nervously waiting for it to change the weather and watching it consistently tell me what the weather was doing outside of our house and wondering worrily how it did it until Miss Carol finally barked, JESUS CHRIST, WOULD YOU STOP IT? TIME FOR BED!

So, yeah. I tore myself away. For tonight.

But I’ll be back tomorrow.