Monthly Archives: November 2011

I don’t know how many words I’ve written.

I stumble and stammer and drool and I stare uncomprehendingly at a wall wondering how it got there.

But.

I might be jumping the gun, I may be jinxing myself, but baby, I feel like I’ll make it. I’ve managed to write. every. single. day. for the last 27 days and I’m turning the corner and running slipshod spastically down the last coupla hundred yards, sloppily headed towards the finish line.

But.

A weird thing is happening to me. The closer I get to it, the more I kinda dread the end. I think I’m gonna miss my poorly constructed characters and shoddy story line. I’ve lived with them for a month now, watching with dread their slowly emerging awfulness.

But.

I love them the way you love a puppy with a tumor.

But.

I gotta stop, right? I can’t just keep going can I? Or can I? Bernard Moitessier entered an around-the-world sailboat race and fell in love with it and just kept sailing on past the finish line, sailing around the globe twice. So yeah, maybe I’m actually starting to think that I’ll just keep rolling on after NaNoWriMo folds up it’s tent and moves on.

Where is this all going?

I’m some 32,000 words into it and I’m getting a little bit edgy.

I’m getting a little bit worried, no strike that, a LOT a bit worried that I won’t finish, that my subconscious will tie me up and hold me down and fuck me and laugh at me while it does it.

I’m soooo close, I can almost smell the finish- it washes over me like a freshening breeze.

Come on, baby, I can DO this.

Amazing.

Just three days and three nights into NaNoWriMo and the effects are deep and life-changingly scarring.

I’ve written almost six thousand words so far which in oceandoggy blogworldland would be about a month’s worth of effort. But way beyond the word count is the feeling, even though largely insomniamaniacally driven, that I’m changing.

I know, I know, it’s only been THREE days, but I’m feeling about 2 inches deep and 3 miles wide right now.

And it feels gooooood.