Sorry, but this is crazy- a something named Justin Bieber, at the ripe old age of 16, has signed a deal with Paramount Pictures to make a movie about himself.
Let that one sink in for just a sec.
SIXTEEN? AS IN LESS THAN TWENTY? AS IN CAN’T DRINK AND DRIVE?
I mean honestly, WTF? How much life history can there possibly be in a little sixteen year old wingnut?
Then, to further cloud sensibilities not only does this Justin thing have a movie coming out about his short little life, HarperCollins is releasing his MEMOIRS in the fall. Memoirs of what? Wearing little sailor suits and burping up on himself?
Give me an effing break. But I was intrigued and curious so I checked him and his music out, not wanting to be Mr. Cynical Dickhead Old Turd, and ya know what?
It was more awful than I’d feared.
Quite possibly the worst shit I’ve ever listened to- and that’s coming from someone who had Pink’s Mizzunderstood running through his head for a week. It was just terrible-picture an overindulged 16 year old chirping in a little girly voice and pouting like he’s 13 and you about got it. I scrolled through a half dozen teasers of his latest 2.0 offering before clawing my ears off and killing the dogs.
And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, I read recently that there’s this new decline in civilization spurred on by our lawyerly friends -surfing litigation-two words I never thought I’d see in the same sentence. Even a poorly constructed sentence.
According to the article, aging “surfers” are starting to sue one another over stuff like hogging and flailing ineffectually at waves or being nailed by the errant unleashed surfboard. You could almost hear the coolness being sucked out of surfers by the middle-aged “surfer” blimps wanting their fair share of everything. Pretty soon and I’m guessin’ surfers are gonna be signing disclaimers and waivers before paddlin’ out.
But, hey? Who amongst us doesn’t like seeing spring suits in XXXXL?
So it made me think, and I sat and I gazed out the window and I wondered why the self-important little kids and the XXXXL self-important little lawyers can’t just leave the rest of us alone.