Daily Archives: August 9, 2010

Dear Fatty.

I’m cowering. I’m holding up my hands, fending off hatred of the obvious. Don’t throw shit at me.

But hey.

Fat chicks should not be wearing bikinis. Sorry.

I know this is horribly politically incorrect but it needs to be said.

I’m not talkin’ about chubby chicks or even chunky babes- I’m talkin’ about girls whose weight is north of 160. You can call yourself a BIG GIRL, but you’re not. You’re fat. Which is fine. You like sedentary and doughnuts more than we do. So sit at home and eat and eat some more. It’s OK. It’s cool. Just don’t, please don’t, put on a bikini and come down to the beach.

And hey, if the urge to waddle down to the shore becomes overwhelmingly irresistible, do heterosexuality a BIG favor and just cover up, you know, like maybe a burqa or maybe a pup tent?


Oh, and by the way?  The tattoos? Nix ’em. They don’t make you look edgy or cool and, trust me, a bleary tramp stamp  ain’t taking off any of the pounds.

Just sayin’.