I hadn’t wanted a smart phone.
I’d barely liked the stupid phone I have. It’s such a necessary annoyance that I post pictures of topless babes on my main wallpaper to make me want to answer the damn thing.
So you can imagine my surprise when I fell in love after the briefest of flings.
I had to go to the Verizon store for something or other and while I was waiting to be helped, I found myself fondling the iPhone4. I looooved her glossy, glassy feel and as I felt her up, I was, well, you know, actually chubbin’, and as I clutched her, I whispered- I want you.
I glanced around.
Then, my little iPhone chirped so I pushed the call button.
And her sultry little voice said, take me home. baby.
Holding her tight, I turned and tried to run out of the store but my little iPhone was tethered to the display with a leash.
FUCK I screamed when the leash jerked her out of my arms, slamming her into the side of the counter.
Can I help you, sir? the nice guy with the tie said.
Yesssssss I said. I’d like to purchase that iPhone, pointing.
The nice guy with the tie said, Sir that’s just a display unit. How about we pre-order you a brand spanking new iPhone4S?
You’ll love it, he said.
And I know I will. And I can’t wait for my newest BFF to be delivered so that we can start our life together.
As I turned away from the display to do the paperwork I glanced woefully over my shoulder and I coulda’ sworn I heard an imploring little chirp.
And it tugged at my heart.