My newest BFF.

I hadn’t wanted a smart phone.

I’d barely liked the stupid phone I have. It’s such a necessary annoyance that I post pictures of topless babes on my main wallpaper to make me want to answer the damn thing.

So you can imagine my surprise when I fell in love after the briefest of flings.

I had to go to the Verizon store for something or other and while I was waiting to be helped, I found myself fondling the iPhone4. I looooved her glossy, glassy feel and as I felt her up, I was, well, you know, actually chubbin’, and as I clutched her,  I whispered- I want you.

I glanced around.

Then, my little iPhone chirped so I pushed the call button.

And her sultry little voice said, take me home. baby.

Holding her tight, I turned and tried to run out of the store but my little iPhone was tethered to the display with a leash.

FUCK I screamed when the leash jerked her out of my arms, slamming her into the side of the counter.

Can I help you, sir? the nice guy with the tie said.

Yesssssss I said. I’d like to purchase that iPhone, pointing.

The nice guy with the tie said, Sir that’s just a display unit. How about we pre-order you a brand spanking new iPhone4S?

You’ll love it, he said.

And I know I will. And I can’t wait for my newest BFF to be delivered so that we can start our life together.


As I turned away from the display to do the paperwork I glanced woefully over my shoulder and I coulda’ sworn I heard an imploring little chirp.

And it tugged at my heart.

12 responses to “My newest BFF.

  1. The newest and bestest cell phones speak to my daughters too…they want to be their BFF’s. It is the siren song for the 21st century. I am blissfully deaf.

  2. Lucky you.

  3. –>I was a Blackberry junkie for years before getting my iPhone in March. The love affair is still going strong. Download Words with Friends and look me up to play a game. Also, Instagram which is free too.

  4. Random comment alert!! Have you or Miss Carol read The Passage by Justin Cronin? I just finished it & LOVED it. The follow up “The Twelve” doesn’t come out until next year, & I’m a little bitter about that.

  5. No.
    Is it good?

    • I thought so – you’ll have to give it a whirl & let me know what you think. It’s a pretty wild book…….sci-fi meets horror meets drama.

  6. Forget Words With Friends. Let’s start with the basics. Like Twitter. All the cool kids are doing it.

  7. Welcome to the clerb. Now you can download SoundHound app and you will never have a “I love this song but don’t know where I can find it” conundrum again! Picture this: you’re driving in your truck and some little alt-country ditty comes on (maybe by Taylor Swift) and you think to yourself, ” I wish I knew who this was so I could download it and listen to it non-stop for the next 48 days.” Just pick up your iphone, push the button for SoundHound and it will tell you the name of the song, name of the artists, name of the album, AND let you purchase it directly from itunes. MAGIC, I tell you. Magic.

    • That IS magic.
      Do you have that button?
      Can you push it and tell me what that song is so I can download it and cuddle it for the rest of my life?

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