Doggy duty.

OK.

Granted, walking the dogs twice a day every day gives me lots and lots of time to think and not much to think about, it still surprised me when I realized that not only have I somehow internalized their doody habits but have also unconsciously built an entire framework of poop rules to deal with having to clean up after them.

Welcome to my world. It’s fun, right?

I should just stop here, but, and yet, somehow I cannot.  So.

First the dance- when it’s time Tug suddenly stops, looks confused like WTF?, and jerks around at the end of the leash like a fish on the line, looking for a bush or something to tickle his butt. Cutter, on the other hand, pulls like a locomotive, his nose to the ground, grinding his way to the perfect spot.

Then the stance. When Tug assumes the position he’s all tippy toed looking like he’s passing a Buick and slowly inches forward plopping away. Cutter just settles in like an old man reading a newspaper and, you know, poops.

As a responsible pet owner I carry crappy plastic bags to pick up the boy’s doody like it’s the treasure that it is. And as a fairly lazy responsible pet owner I’m constantly alert for ways to shirk my doggy doody removal responsibilities.

Soooo. Now that I’m waaaayyy too far down this particular road to turn around and go back for directions here we go:

1-If we’re on the beach I always, always pick it up. The only thing I want squishing between my toes at the beach is sand. Really.

2-If we’re walking on the roads and they poop in a neighbors yard I always pick it up. People know where you live. It’s a small town.

3-If we’re walking on the roads and they poop in a rental and no one is home, it didn’t happen and I walk away whistling. Life is good.

4-If we’re walking the roads and they poop in a seasonal rental and no one sees it-see #3. Ahh, yes.

5-If we’re walking the roads really late at night or really early in the morning I usually pretend I can’t see it and do the walking and whistling.

Welp, there ya gots it.

More than you could ever wanted to know about the other end of my dog’s lives. I could probably simply simplify my life and just walk my dogs and pick up their poop and honestly how pathetic is this entire post?

Jesus.