XL to XS.

I loved MR.GREENE. Loved his magnificent hugeness, loved his diesel, loved all his lights, loved his leather, loved him. In a, you know, manly way.

But I hated his cost.

The thing they don’t tell you when you fall in love with something the size of MR.GREENE. is just how much that love-largesse is gonna cost you and believe you me, it’s lots and lots- his oil changes were $125 and every 12 or 13 miles he’d guzzle another gallon of $4 diesel. Oh, and let’s don’t forget his truck payment and insurance.

I loved him but I needed to let him go.

I’d been looking for something a little less grandiose for the last several months whilst I reveled in HIS hugeness. I’d driven H2’s, H3’s, Jeeps, Nissan X-Terra’s and honestly? All were ho-hummers. It was like, hey, whatever, if it’s not my beloved MR.GREENE. why bother?

But then last week as I was leaving the hospital I saw a Cooper Mini in the doctor’s parking lot and went over and looked at it’s littleness. It was kinda cute in a teeny tiny way. I figured I could fit two of ’em in MR.GREENE.‘s truck bed.

Driving home that afternoon I remembered that there’s a Cooper dealership on the way and decided to stop and find out more about these silly little cars. I pulled into the lot, being careful not to roll over any of the Mini’s on display, and was met by one of the salesguys as I climbed down from MR.GREENE. We talked, he answered my questions about the cute little go-karts that BMW’s Cooper division call cars, and I decided to take one out for a test drive.

And I was flippen’ smitten.

I haven’t had that much fun driving in, like, forever. I got back to the dealership, tucked Little Miss Teeny Tiny up under my arm like a surfboard and ran inside.

I’ll take her, I said to the salesguy, holding Little Miss Teeny Tiny out in front of me so he’d know which one I wanted.

We worked out the boring trade-in and financial and insurance details and I took my new little girlfriend home. She’s tiny and teeny, but with her back seats folded down she’s big enough to carry my tools and the type of materials I need and I’ve ordered a roof rack for her. She’s the perfect little work vehicle at half the cost and three times the gas mileage. And she’s cute.

When Miss Carol got home and saw her, she sighed and said, just don’t let the dogs play with that in the house, ok?

Very funny.