Category Archives: doggy treats

Apple “Crack”.

Miss Carol got this recipe a couple of months ago from a big ‘ole woman who suddenly appeared in the doorway of her office at the hospital. 

“HERE”, she said, spraying Miss Carol with partially chewed food and spittle. “YOU TAKE IT”, and hurled a wadded up piece of paper at Miss Carol. Then she waddled away, stuffing handfuls of something in her mouth from a big ‘ole trash bag she dragged behind her.

Intrigued and disgusted, Miss Carol smoothed out the piece of paper on her desk. It was a recipe:

Apple “Crack”

4 bags of dried apple chips- any kind as long as they don’t have cinnamon

A bag of walnuts

A bag of craisins

A bag of raisins

24 oz box of Quaker Oats Cereal (blue box)

2 sticks of butter

3/4 cup dark brown sugar

3 tsp cinnamon

Melt the butter with the sugar and cinnamon in a bowl. Mix everything else in a separate bowl, then drizzle the “sauce” over it and mix. Use a big ‘ole bowl ’cause it makes aLOT. Refrigerate at least 4 hours and serve. Store any leftovers in an airtight container.

HAHAHAHA, that’s a good’un. There won’t be any leftovers so throw your airtight containers away.

I couldn’t post pictures of Apple “Crack” ’cause we don’t make it anymore. WAY too addictive. You just can’t stop shoveling it in. It’s not so sweet, or buttery, or crunchy, or appley, or raisiny, that you get tired of it. So you just keep eating it. And eating it. And eating it, until you find yourself lapping at the empty bowl and forcing Miss Carol at gunpoint to make some more. 

er, um, not that that happened.

So anyway.

HERE, YOU TAKE IT.

Beans and Sausages.

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This will look familiar if you’ve been wandering around the site. I had originally hoped to have separate pages for separate topics, but that’s not going to work. Instead, I’m going to be categorizing posts. This is the first. Instead of a doggy treats page, you’ll be getting a doggy treats categorized post. 

See how I did that?

Today’s doggy treat is Beans and Sausages. I make this when Miss Carol is out and about with her girlfriends. They call it Ladies Night Out and have even started calling themselves The SeaGals. I know, I know, it gives Miss Carol and me douche chills too. But that’s another story.

Back to Beans and Sausages. Here are the ingredients- to the left, pinto beans, to the right, hot sausages, and front and center, a couple of mommies little helpers.

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First you want to dump the pinto beans into a small pan. No wait. First you want to open one of mommies little helpers, then dump the can into the pan. Season with coarse black pepper and sea salt and put the beans on high until they start to burble-you know, like the pictures you’ve seen of hot mud baths or the way your stomach feels after a long night. Once they’re burbling turn it to low and cover them. Periodically, like after every third sip of mommies little helper, stir the beans, mashing them into the sides and bottom of the pan to create a thick gravy.

Next, put the sausages in a frying pan and, you guessed it, fry them. There’s plenty of fat in sausages so they can just roll around in their own grease until browned. Once they’re browned I like to slice them lengthwise ’cause it increases the surface area of the crispy parts. Grab yourself another little helper and relax. The hard part’s just about done.

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Jesus, could that picture get any blurrier? Maybe the stove was moving.

Anyway, once the sausages are nice and crispy cut a couple of ’em up into man-sized pieces (or smaller if you can’t handle man-sized), stir ’em into the beans, add some hot sauce and chew, baby.

When you’re done, be sure to run some water over the dirty pans to loosen up the crusty stuff. Your wife will admire your thoughtfulness.

Especially after a long night with the SeaGals.

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