Daily Archives: May 1, 2009



It the not too distant past, I would not have gone near a Walmart. Waaaay too low brow for someone with the taste and refinement of an oceandoggy. Wally’s World was reserved for the inbred and the uneducated. People that had only a drive-by acquaintance with personal hygiene and that watched TV with their mouths open. ¬†

Life’s little losers.

I did my shopping in specialty stores convinced that, even though I was paying top dollar, I was purchasing the best quality whatever for my money. If I HAD to visit a big box store I would drive the extra ten miles or so and go to a Target where I felt more at home buying my underwear.

But then about a year ago, something happened. Actually a bunch of somethings happened, the end result being that I was picking up more things on a daily basis than Miss Carol was. I got tired of making a dozen stops when I left the island in the morning and so, one day, I found myself in the Walmart parking lot. It was early, so I felt there was a chance I could get in and out without catching any inbredness.

I’m sure that there are people reading this that have shopped in Walmarts forever and are thinking to themselves- ¬†whatever dude, you’re a dumbass, Walmart is great. And you know what? They’re right. I can honestly say that I am a new disciple of Walmart. I’m not sure if you pass through a sinister force field when you enter the store that lowers your expectations and IQ, but whatever it is, it works. I loves my Walmart.

And even though I’m mouth breathing when I read now, I’m pretty sure it’s just my allergies.