We live at the beach and as such have a problem with parking. Mostly with people parking in our yard.
It happened again today, and before I could catch the whomever, Miss Carol and me were once again stuck with a stranger’s car in our yard. This happens a lot and I’d finally had enough so I called the police to have them ticket the stupid motherfucker.
But while I was talking to the dispatcher he told me that I could have the car towed and I started having a bad feeling about the whole thing.
I don’t like people parking in my yard, but I don’t want to ruin their whole day. Ya’ know?
A police officer on an ATV showed up and I walked out and met him and we talked and he agreed I could either have him ticket the vehicle, have the vehicle towed, or he could just write a warning.
He told me it was my choice so I opted for the warning ’cause I’m a turd.
Then while we were talking and comparing histories a sweat fly started buzzing his head.
If you don’t have these little fuckers say a thankeeverymuch. They’re extremely annoying, constantly buzzing your head, until they land and bite.
But they’re slow.
So while we were talking and while this annoyingly buzzy little fucker was buzzing around the police officer’s head, it landed.
I said, it’s on your head, do you want me to kill it?
And he said, please.
So I slapped a cop upside the head maybe a little harder than I meant to or maybe wanted to, and we both watched as the the little dead bug fluttered to the ground between us.
We looked up at each other and he grinned behind his RayBans and said,
I won’t call that assault.
Sounds like he was asking for it anyway.