Music.

I loves my music.

I listen to anything and everything and if it strikes a chord (see what I did there?) with me I’ll listen to it over and over and over again. I listen to music more than I listen to Miss Carol and that’s sayin’ something.

I loves my music.

So you can imagine my surprise and elation when I went out to the mailbox yesterday and found the Rolling Stone BIG issue nestling within. One of the BIG things my magazine cover promised was THE 10 NEW BANDS THAT WILL ROCK YOU IN 2012.

My hands shook with pre-coital excitement.

I cradled my Rolling Stone and took her inside. After a couple of cocktails, some quiet get-to-know-you conversation, and a candle-lit dinner with my little Rolling Stone, I took her into my Me Only Room to check her out and listen to her BIG 10.

Here’s what I found-

SLEIGH BELLS- I love the name. I really do. But even though I downloaded two songs-DOA and Road to Hell, I didn’t really like most of what I heard. Most of the songs sounded like variations of themselves. Hmmm. That, and he wears really dorky sunglasses and her nose is too pointy.

ALABAMA SHAKES- I was so glad to see them on Rolling Stones BIG list. I first heard them about a month ago and downloaded the entire album. (why are we still calling these bits and bytes albums?) They fucking rock. Grab a listen.

FUN.- Nope. Don’t get it. I like hip hop and rap but this is confused and trying too hard.

GRIMES- A tatted-up ex-ballerina is a little difficult to look at. She’s eerie. iTunes review says “she pushes the margin of this electronic subgenre”. I probably don’t know what that means, ’cause her music makes my teeth itch.

GOTYE- Can you make a career of remixes of one song? I don’t know. But it seems like Gotye is trying. I like Somebody That I Used To Know well enough, not well enough to choose which remix to download, but well enough.

DANNY BROWN- Sounds to me like just another punk ass rapper. He’s being hyped online for his hyper extremist shock rap, but honestly? It’s the same shit, different day. Listen to Snoop Dog or Cypress Hill or Rage Against the Machine instead.

CLOUD NOTHINGS- Are not too bad. They sound kinda like a really weak, gay, Green Day.

BEACH HOUSE- I kinda like this. Not enough yet to download anything yet, but I kinda like it. The music is the type that I imagine chicks listen to after they’ve been dumped. But it grows on you, or maybe clings to you. Give it a listen.

SHARON VAN ETTEN- Oh wait. Maybe this is what chicks listen to after they’ve been dumped.

WHITE RABBITS- Music for metrosexuals to floss and gloss by. Flippin’ awful unless you need music to floss and gloss by.

It’s an interesting mix that my Rolling Stone believes will rock me in 2012. She knows waaaay more than me but, honestly?, I wasn’t too crazy about the list.

At least Metallica was on the cover.